( ic contact ) - ( sorry, guys, i got a little held up. you had to be there. )

[tardily]

 

Barry Allen
Hey! You've reached Barry Allen. I'm not available to take your call right now because of— a reason. Leave a message or just text me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. BEEP.


The Flash
This is The Flash. Not Kid Flash or Impulse. The Flash. I can't text and run. I'll get back to you ASAP and you know that's pretty fast coming from me. BEEP.

Comments

text - dated for 2/18 maybe

[moded]

HEY GRANPDA wanna go for a run??
we could meet in heropa at noon and we could go up the coast maybe hit the import cities itll be crash you know where the malt shop is near the pier?

[Look how crafty Bart's being]

text - noted but also b a r t.

[tardily]

really?

[ give his brain a second to move past the initial ha right you can have a real running buddy nowadays. a keeps up with you running buddy for the first time since the accident. this is the best thing. ]

yeah, i think i ran by it at some point. at least i'm pretty sure it was the malt shop. you know how it is when you're going.

[ you go fast, buildings don't move, you know. and bart, you're being extremely crafty. later barry might even be proud. ]

text - \8D/

[moded]

really totally really 100% really

[He's just really excited for this]

but okay yeah noon at the malt shop
the maltshop by the boardwalk
its the best malt shop by the way as in TOTALLY the best they still give me free malts there sometimes

[Now he has to go figure out a way to make sure this doesn't end with Wally getting too pissed off.

Which.

Will happen regardless, seeing how things are going. But at least Bart kind of prepared for it?]

text - backdated to the 27th

[moded]

theres a woman being tortured in a house somewhere no idea what city but it is an import city and its pretty rundown but has a for sale sign in front
kf and i are getting the other cities can you check heropa??

[Don't worry Barry, it's ultimately a false alarm. But always better safe than sorry.]

text - backdated to the 27th

[tardily]

on it.

[ and not even a second later. ]

and asking you how you know about this when i get back from doing it!

[ barry allen: capable of running fast as hell, but not texting and running. gold star you tried. ]

text HTML AIN'T AS BAD AS WRONG ACCOUNTS \8D/

[moded]

[Texting and running is a skill only dumb thirteen year olds try to employ.

Spoiler: Bart's run into a grand total of five buildings since coming here and jumping on the texting wagon.]

ty gramps its a lead from a teammate

[Which is all Bart's going to give for now because, well, they apparently have cities to search.]

text YOU TRIED SO HARD. at least it was close tho.

[tardily]

[ ...

Well at least that leaves no doubt that you're his grandspawn, Bart. It's an Allen trait to run into things. ]

yw. better explanation later. no buts.

[ And that's all he wrote but of all the things to take to easily, acting like an actual grandpa or dad should not be one of them. ]

text just takes over your inbox THIS IS WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR

[moded]

hey grandpa
i mean i know youre not my actual grandpa or at least not yet if you are or will be but you probably will i mean i think its kinda a multiuniversal thing

but
do you know how to stop being tired after talking about things

[Welcome to the world of AU family, Barry Allen. Hope you enjoy it.]

text OH NO WHATEVER SHALL I DO.

[tardily]

you've already called me gramps. i'm just your gramps younger and smaller than anyone is used to. i'm getting used to it. i've always wanted more family anyway.

[ Never mind that he's not even dating Iris yet so that kind of— puts a wrench in things but still! ]

...depends on why you're tired. it's not because you're talking too fast right? because our genes wouldn't. the speedster thing cancels it out.

text

[moded]

hey i come from the future to me everyones younger and smaller its actually pretty crash

its not that talking doesnt even take energy usually

text about 30 mins later

[moded]

were clear
kf thinks its a false alarm but i dunno

text about a minute later

[tardily]

could be. but why would your teammate give you a false alarm lead unless they didn't know either.

i didn't find anything though, and i double checked.

text

[moded]

he didnt wanna leave the guy to check and dude three speedsters we can totally search faster than anyone
kinda glad the guy was lying tho

text ( 1.2 ) i'm sorry just sliding through backtags

[tardily]

:D :D

[ Or the actual face Barry is making in real life right now. ]

noon at the malt shop. got it. might be a little late, but got it.

text

[tardily]

you think you could get them to give me one too?

a malt i mean.

[ Oh Barry. If only you knew what will happen when you get there. ]

text i nearly typed bart as bath. oi.

[tardily]

three anyone's could search faster than just one anyone. simple math, bart.

so am i. even if tbh pretty sure most villain plots start with the misdirecting lie.

text

[tardily]

yeah but i'm younger for wally too. which is weird considering the opposite is true for me.

i think you're a missing a but in that sentence. but it's not that... so do you know the reason or?

text

[moded]

kinda

[There's a whole thirty second pause between these texts]

i had to do something recently i keep trying not to do and every time i do it i just end up feeling tired i cant talk to blue or kf about it theyll try and make me really sit down and do something its so moded
i just i dunno
i guess gramps in my world always ends up saving the day so i thought maybe youd know a way to stop being tired after doing serious things

[Although even complaining about things in a roundabout way to a party who doesn't actually know enough to be concerned is actually helping so. A+ work there, Flash.]

text

[tardily]

[ Sorry about the minute long wait for his text back. ]

oh.

[ And sorry for another minute long wait for more of that text. ]

they'd do it because they care about you, bart. i. yeah i know how to do that but. where are you, i'm not telling you over a text when you're asking me something like this. that's not what a gramps should do.

[ Gold star for him, but also Bart, if you thought you get advice over text, you don't know Barry.

...which okay fine is technically true in this case but details. ]

text

[moded]

ok dude i am totally showing you the trick to speed texting it took me a while to figure out the exact key rate but its definitely worth it

[Because OH MY GOD that texting speed is abysmal and unforgivable, Barry Allen.]

well yeah i know they do but they always get all serious
uh texas kinda around el paso but im crash as is just curious

[This is what happens with speedsters, Barry, they just never stay put.]

text

[moded]

well yeah but its also three flashes man imagine if jay was here i mean hes super slow now cause hes so old
uh
that is if you have a jay do you have a jay???

and oh yeah dude tooooooootally they do misdirection a lot like there was this one time we had to break into a farm to find out they were putting mind control in soft drinks but it was super legit too cause they were doing food production a lot of people liked

text

[tardily]

...IS THAT THE FIRST FLASH THAT ONE GUY WAS TALKING ABOUT?

[ barry. that is a dumb question and you know it is of course jay probably is. ]

we don't have a jay. at least as far as i know? he could be hiding out and just not want to talk to me. it's just me with the superspeed and all the other metahumans with their powers. i mean i've got my team but they're all powerless. well not so much caitlin any more but that's more of a being here thing than an at home thing.

a farm. seriously? who does their villain plot in a farm? sure you don't expect it because farms are wholesome but it's also a farm.

text

[tardily]

i can text just fine. sometimes i just text a little slower because i have to think about things. and i can't do it while running and i don't know I DON'T WANT TO BREAK THE PHONE.

[ excuse you bart. excuse you this is your alternate universe grandfather. show some respect. ]

serious isn't bad, you know. yeah, it sucks being on the recieving end but it's not all bad.

stay put. seriously, if i get to el paso and you're not there. i'm sending you a bunch of :( until you come back.

[ guess who's grabbing some food before he heads off to el paso? this dude. sorry bart, barry is one hundred percent just gonna bug you about this in person. ]

text

[moded]

yeah it goes jay you wally and me now i guess

[Bart Allen stop writing off your Kid Flash-ness.]

thats so weird so is it just you guys doing hero stuff cause back home we have like 100 superheroes or something and thats just the adults theres like 14 kids on the team kinda

[At the very least, there's an easy answer to the whole farm thing]

lex luthor but i think thats just a superman thing
kinda like how the joker is a batman thing

text

[moded]

just think at superspeed then you have all day to do it

[Bart Allen that's not how the world works and you know it.]

not going anywhere dont worry gramps

[He really isn't. He's just going to be sitting at the edge of a seemingly random little outcropping of rocks, dangling his feet off the edge and noisily drinking up a Slurpee.]